Why Don’t We Want to Talk About Death?
A gentle, very human look at the conversation we’ve all been quietly avoiding… and why it might be the one that helps us live more fully.
Death is one of the biggest fears many people carry.
And honestly… that makes sense.
Because death is the vast unknown.
We don’t really know what happens.
We can read about it.
We can hear stories.
We can believe different things.
But at the end of the day…
it’s still a mystery.
And human beings?
We’re not always big fans of mystery.
We like plans.
We like clarity.
We like knowing where we’re going and what to expect when we get there.
Death doesn’t exactly come with a welcome packet. 😄
Why I Even Talk About This at All
This is usually the moment people start wondering:
“Okay Shelley… why are you talking about this so much?”
Fair question.
Because I’m not just talking about death.
I’m talking about how we live.
To me, being a Live & Die Happy Coach means embracing all of it—
the love, the relationships, the messy middle, the beautiful moments…
and yes… the final chapter too.
Because the truth is:
The way we live our lives becomes the way we leave them.
And I want people to feel…
peaceful
complete
loved
grateful
Not full of “I wish I had…” at the very end.
And Yet… We Avoid the Conversation
You can test this anytime.
Bring up death at a dinner table.
Not dramatically.
Not standing up and ringing a bell. 😄
Just gently say:
“So… have you ever thought about what you’d want at the end of your life?”
And watch what happens.
Someone takes a very long sip of water.
Someone suddenly remembers a very important text.
Someone says, “Well… that got dark…”
And just like that…
poof.
Conversation gone.
It’s Not That We Don’t Care
That’s the interesting part.
People care deeply.
About their lives.
About their families.
About how things turn out.
But no one ever showed us how to talk about this
in a way that feels safe… human… even a little comforting.
So we don’t.
We avoid it.
We distract ourselves.
(We are exceptionally talented at that, by the way. 😄)
The Truth About Fear
Here’s what I’ve learned over the years.
We think we’re afraid of death.
But what we’re often afraid of is:
• the unknown
• saying the wrong thing
• not knowing what to do
• feeling helpless
• facing our emotions
• realizing time isn’t unlimited
And underneath all of that…
a very quiet, very honest question:
“Am I really living the life I want to live?”
And Yet… There Are Clues
Over the years, many people who have had near-death experiences
have described something surprisingly similar.
Light.
Peace.
A sense of leaving the body.
A feeling of… not ending, but transitioning.
You can take that however you like.
But it does make you pause, doesn’t it?
A Story That Changed Everything for Me
A dear friend of mine, Dannion Brinkley, was struck by lightning at 27 years old.
Not metaphorically.
Actually struck.
The lightning came through a wired phone, traveled through his body,
and melted the nails of his shoes into the floor.
He was declared dead.
For 28 minutes.
They placed him on a gurney and began taking him to the morgue.
And while in the elevator, his cousin saw the sheet move and said:
“He’s alive.”
He wasn’t supposed to be.
But he was.
That experience changed his life.
He later wrote Saved by the Light and created The Twilight Brigade,
an organization that trains volunteers to sit with veterans who are dying.
To be present.
To bring humanity into the moment.
And Then… It Became My Work Too
I became one of their national trainers
and led a three-day immersion on death and dying.
And I watched something incredible happen.
People walked in afraid.
And they walked out… different.
Softer.
More open.
More at peace.
Not because we gave them all the answers.
But because we allowed the conversation.
Because Here’s the Truth
Fear doesn’t disappear when we avoid it.
It softens when we gently turn toward it.
When we say:
“What would bring me peace?”
“What would I want this to feel like?”
“Who would I want around me?”
Something shifts.
This Is Where Life Gets Really Good
Because this conversation?
It’s not just about dying.
It’s about living.
When we start thinking this way, we begin to live differently.
More present.
More intentional.
More loving.
We say the things that matter.
Now.
Not later.
This is where my Daily Love Vows come in.
Simple, heartfelt expressions of love we share while we’re still here.
Because those words?
They were never meant to be saved for a funeral.
Let’s Talk About the Yummy Delicious Life for a Second 😄
I often talk about what I call the Yummy Delicious Life scale.
(Yes… it’s as fun as it sounds.)
On one end, life feels:
tight
stressful
disconnected
rushed
And on the other end?
It feels:
joyful
connected
meaningful
peaceful
alive
Now here’s the interesting part.
When we avoid the conversation about death…
we tend to live more on the tight, disconnected end.
When we gently open the conversation…
we start moving toward the Yummy Delicious side.
More gratitude.
More presence.
More love.
More life.
So Why Don’t We Talk About It?
Because it feels uncomfortable.
Because we think we have time.
Because no one ever showed us how.
But the longer we wait…
the longer the fear quietly sits there.
And the Moment We Begin… Everything Changes
Even just a little.
A question.
A conversation.
A quiet reflection.
The pressure softens.
The fear eases.
The unknown feels… a little less intimidating.
A Gentle Invitation
You don’t have to figure everything out.
You don’t have to do this perfectly.
But you might begin with something simple.
“I’ve been thinking about this lately…”
That’s enough.
And If You’d Like a Little Guidance
This is exactly why I’m creating The Peaceful Ending Guide
and a series of gentle, human-centered resources
to help people explore these conversations with:
• calm
• clarity
• compassion
• and even a little ease
They’ll be available soon on my website,
and also on Amazon and Etsy.
(We like options around here 😄)
One Small Thing (From My Heart to Yours)
If this touched something in you…
there’s a good chance it will touch someone else too.
Feel free to share it.
Sometimes all someone needs…
is a soft place to begin.
With love, always
It’s your life. Enjoy the journey.
And remember to bring love into everything you do…
and a lot of humor along the way.
Shelley Question
Before you take your last breath someday…
how do you want to feel about the life you lived?
And even more simply…
where are you on your Yummy Delicious Life scale today?
And If You’d Like to Explore This More
If this conversation is opening something up for you…
and you’d like a gentle place to explore these ideas more deeply,
you can visit my website here:
https://www.liveanddiehappy.com/life-events/end-of-life-transitions
I share reflections, guidance, and ways to begin these conversations
in a way that feels human, thoughtful, and even a little comforting.
More resources are on the way… and I’m so glad you’re here for the journey. 💛